Category Archives: the diet

enforced wellness

I’m not going to say I’m immune to media, because nobody in America is, but I’ve never really been one for dieting or anything crazy. In high school I once managed to stay on the Special K diet for two weeks before prom (I wanted to fit into my first designer dress that my mother had bought for me, because it was a size 0) and lose the weight I wanted to, but telling me to eat cereal is not a hardship, and the irony was that I lost the weight, but my skin was so pale looking that I ended up not looking good in the dress anyway, so I didn’t wear it.

Anyway. Then college happened, and I gained like 20 pounds and barely exercised and had steadily worsening breathing problems compounded by the wrong medication and bad stomach problems. When I was 21 1/2, I realized I was a pound away from having an officially overweight BMI, and that’s when I decided things had to change. Now, two years later, wellness is like a full-time job that never stops being challenging, but at least it’s now become more or less routine. But it easily gets boring, so I’m always looking for new recipes to make me excited about not eating potato chips, and new exercises and fitness magazines to make sure I’m never too bored to be healthy.

I have to be honest, though, and say that I need a lot of outside stimulation to make me excited about not eating out and not taking 24/7 advantage of my Hulu plus account. Much as I hate how dependent we all are on tiny computers that fit in our pockets, and much as I still have ZERO interest in owning a smartphone, one of the biggest things that helped me on my way was keeping a food and exercise diary on Self.com so that I could keep track of how I was doing. I think most of us can be tempted into doing a lot of things if it allows us to play with buttons and typing. Also, quite frankly, and I know this makes me seem more like a communist than the socialist I am, but I totally support any place of employment that requires some sort of commitment to wellness (and I also support those that require their employees–or highly encourage them–to be involved in volunteer or social justice work), because I think when it comes down to it, we all know that we need outside forces to get us to do anything that’s not X-Box or alcohol. Continue reading

rededication

I kind of abandoned my food blog because I have too much stuff going on, but that doesn’t mean I abandoned my interest in food, health, or food books. I think that’s a love that will last a lifetime. But it’s always good to be reminded of why and how you stay healthy and happy through food. I think it’s especially important since I’ve otherwise been making so many other awesome, positive changes in my life. That’s why I recently read Susan Albers’ Eating Mindfully and The Naked Foods Cookbook by Margaret Floyd.


There’s something about buying a Kindle that makes you more willing to read self-help books. Eating Mindfully can definitely be categorized as such, but it also makes some really good points about eating smaller meals, enjoying the smell of your food before you eat it, and taking time to enjoy the entire process of food, from buying the groceries to chopping them up. Albers brings up psychological and physiological reasons to eat more slowly and mindfully, and makes points that should appeal to a variety of readers, from those who are interested in New Age sap and those who just want to lose weight. She quotes Buddha, cites quotes and results from her own patients, and gives little exercises to do. You can write yourself a mindful eating contract, learn how to meditate, or take time to use your five senses. Continue reading

the diet: parte deux

A little over a year ago I learned how much I weighed, and while I’ve never been one to worry about the number of pounds I hold as opposed to how I feel and look, the number that came up then scared me and was totally unacceptable, so I decided to revamp my lifestyle, keep a food and exercise diary, and strive for a physically, emotionally, and mentally healthier life.

I think I’ve done a pretty good job with that, but as I’ve grown from the picky eater I was as a child to an absolute foodie, I also learned more recently that I can’t be a foodie, because actually I have a ton of digestive and health problems that keep me from eating lots of good food. So begin the beta version of my diet, in which I visit doctors all the time and read books and articles about the science of nutrition (which is fascinating mostly because it’s a totally made up but essential science) and experiment with food and exercise to see what makes me feel good and what makes me feel bad.

In the spirit of not describing some very gross and embarrassing symptoms, I’m just going to say that due to my health problems, I am no longer allowed to eat gluten at all, and I have to eat very low amounts of simple carbs, starches, and sugars. I also have to avoid dairy for another couple of weeks, and then I can try some and see what it does to me after I’ve gotten my body healthier, because I don’t actually know whether or not I’m lactose intolerant, since all of my other problems were clouding that. I’ve also been told to avoid soy, as people with digestive problems generally shouldn’t eat soy because it can cause more, and I’m supposed to avoid bananas (no problem, because they’re disgusting), chocolate, mint, and coffee (which is bad, because I think a mint mocha latte is the greatest thing ever). So essentially I am allowed fruits, vegetables, meat, and eggs, and I eat small amounts of gluten-free grains, nuts, and beans. It was rather convenient, then, that Amanda told me about Gary Taubes’ book Good Calories, Bad Calories, which is very well researched and argues that simple carbs are the root of all evil, so when I have a health problem and the prospect of eliminating my future chance of getting cancer/cholesterol/heart attacks, it is much easier to avoid eating the things that used to be my favorite foods (namely all things made from potatoes, plus breakfast cereal).

Then I decided to read The Paleo Diet (Loren Cordain), which takes those a step further than Taubes and says that actually, you should watch your fat intake as well. So I’m striving to get close to that diet, though there is no way I will ever be able to follow it to a T, because the second I’m allowed to try dairy again, I’m going straight for ranch dressing. Or a caesar salad. Or grilled cheese. But it’s definitely a good idea, the paleo diet, so I’m going to try to mostly live by it.

But my problem comes in when I read these books because I had previously been pretty decent at being a flexitarian, only eating meat once or twice a week. And while I have no problem eating animals if they were raised and killed humanely, and preferably if they’re organic, I could never do what the paleo diet recommends and eat animals three meals a day. I can’t stomach it. Even though these diet books are very convincing (because they’re not “diet books” but lifestyle, life diet books that tell you about food science), they aren’t very socially conscious, nor are they concerned with ethical eating, and I’d like to at least try to balance my physically healthful ways with spiritually healthy ways, and that means that I have to kind of go with the Peter Singer way of living your life. Because yes, I can see how evolution tells us that we’re not equipped to eat as many carbs as we think we are. But I also think that progress occurs for a reason, and we should be privileged enough to be able to find ways to eat without hurting the earth too much.

So my quest for the next year, I think, is to establish a new baseline for my health. I want to be able to not depend on vitamins, now that gluten isn’t impeding my absorption of them, and I want to have a more strict exercise and stretching regimen. I want to move to Boston and be an efficient cook and eater. I want to stop snacking. I want to reduce my dependence on cereal for breakfast. And I want to find a way to do all of these things and still remain fairly ethical, since I am in a position where I should be able to afford to do so.

We’ll see how this goes.

you’ve been nighttiming, baby

I thought that maybe, since I’m a night person, that in grad school maybe I’d get a job singing in a smoky bar all night long. Or bartending. It’s a very romantic idea, and probably it will only ever manifest itself in one of my novels. But really, if I could just sing and get paid, I wouldn’t do anything else. At least not for a very long time.

But now I think I am losing my nightpersonyness. Part of it may be the lingering jetlag. I had coffee today at 4:30 so that I could finally stay up later than 10 and not be sleepy at 8, and I am triumphant! It is almost midnight and I finally feel wide awake in a way I haven’t since this morning, when I woke up without an alarm at 7:10. But now, even though I’m awake and could be trying to write, or could be calling a friend to hang out, or could be out at a bar, or could be driving up to the top of Campbell, I feel like I’ve finished my day and that I should go to sleep. Read a few poems in the chapbook I’m reading and then doze off. In the morning, eat, work out, and go to the library. Read some more and then write. Get a pedicure with my sister and oldest friend, who is leaving next week for grad school. Write some more. Maybe watch a movie, but probably get bored of that 20 minutes in, like I did tonight.

Is this growing up? Is this transitioning out of college, which has felt like the longest gap year of all time rather than a time of education (though still a time of self-discovery)? Is this what living in my parents’ house is doing? Or is this just what I was all along? Will I start to write by daylight instead of lamplight? Am I becoming a morning person? Or is this just an interlude until graduation?

it makes a change

I’m working on a post about genres and whether you can be a writer in more than one successfully.

But I just wanted to say, it feels so good to have those days when you know who you are and you can accept it.

slo-mo

I love being a workaholic, but all of a sudden I’m remembering how nice it is to slow down, not to smell the roses, since my nose is perpetually stuffed, but to be nocturnal and calm and relaxed. The last time I had a summer with not much going on was in 2007, when I graduated from high school. That’s not that long ago, but in the grand scheme of how much stress I’ve been under and how many things have happened, it was another era. Though I have plenty to be doing this summer, I don’t have pressing daily engagements or five jobs or anything silly like that, even though I’m prone to doing things like that. I am re-appreciating the beauty of staying up til 3, sleeping til lunch, and bouncing between reading, writing, and movies until it’s time to go to the rec, shower, and head into work at 7:45. It’s an absolutely wonderful routine. Tonight at work I was clear for an hour and six minutes, and I had an excellent conversation with a friend, read a ton, listened to music, and felt relaxed. I’ve scarcely had headaches or neck pains since finals, which was only three weeks ago, but that’s actually an exceptionally long time for me not to have stress-related muscle or head problems, so I’ll take it. Now that I’m home I’m here, and then I’m going to do the dishes, and then perhaps I’ll watch a movie or do more reading or write a postcard to someone, just because it’s summer and I can. I have read 26 non-school books since January 1, and I finished three of them in the fewer than three weeks I’ve been out of school. So little time, and already the last semester is just a flimsy memory. Thank G-d for that.

Not all is peachy, though the sugar-free organic peach cobbler I got at the farmers’ market certainly is. I’m trying not to think about the shit stuff. It’s probably not as shit as I make it out to be anyway.

My new favorite thing is afternoon coffee at around 5. So much better than morning coffee.

A week til New Jersey. It’s been so long since I’ve been on the East Coast in the summertime, and I’m already remembering how much I love it. I miss my grandparents’ house at Lake Waubeeka.

use what you’ve got

It could be the fact that the weight of the semester has been lifted off my shoulders, or it could be the dieting/exercise/near-vegetarianism, but either way, I am sleeping so much better. Even being on the depressed side of the spectrum isn’t feeling as bad. I have now lost seven pounds, and I have an exercise calendar up until I leave for Prague in July.

I also have a new diet to add: a financial diet. It starts on Monday, and it’s called Use What You’ve Got. I’m lucky enough to have a scholarship that pays my school, my rent, and a little more, and it allows me to use my paychecks to buy clothes and books and music whenever I feel like it, and I eat out way more than I should. But that’s a silly way to live, and I’m going to have to learn how to budget, because once I graduate in December, I’ll be living on grad school loans, and I don’t think those lend themselves well to online shopping.

I also have piles of crap that I don’t need. I’m going through my books and clothes and selling and donating them. I’m not going to go around spending money on things to make me less bored when I have books and my computer and cross stitch and movies and things that I already paid for a long time ago. I also have lots of homework to prepare for Rutgers and for Prague, and I have writing to do for those programs and for myself. I want to start submitting to journals and have ongoing projects, and I want to record some of my songs and put them online to see what people think. I bought The Joy of Cooking and The Vegetarian Bible, and I want to try new, healthy recipes. I have plenty to do that doesn’t require extra money.

compound words and emotions

I am preparing myself for a emotional breakdown to put to shame all other rejection- and relationship-related fuckmefuckhimfuckmylifefucktheworldfuckthespringtime breakdowns that I have had. I don’t know if knowing that it’s coming makes it better or worse, because I think really I am just in denial and I refuse to believe that this won’t be my fairy tale moment. I never think anything counts unless I get it right, but it gets harder to go by that when things keep going wrong. I am trying to stave off the breakdown as long as possible, but it may not be a good idea to have one right before leaving for Prague. And it is good to have your world shattered, no? And to be treated crappily? It makes for good songs (and novels), and it’s been so long since I’ve written one.

the usual

Spooning. Whispering. Sleeping naked. The next day, the best workout I’ve had yet. Coincidence? Perhaps breaking rules is a good thing.

The looming dread that is following my happy, quiet mood and laughing at it. This is probably unwarranted calmness and security, but I want it to be real. It’s been a year.

fewer calories for the soul

After about a month, I’ve unpaused my online food and exercise diary. Today, I resume my diet. While I’ve tried a couple times to stop the no-sex part, I’ve only succeeded once, and that’s probably a good thing. School is over except for a couple finals, and I’m starting to feel better about myself after weeks of being sick, being in a perpetual bad mood, and feeling worthless. I’m going to stop doing the things that make me feel worthless and only do the things that make me feel good. Easy as pie. Diet of the soul as well as diet of the body.

I’ve begun my journal again, and after a long time of just writing, I think I’m getting back into art journaling, which feels good. I own a camera now, and I think I should start remembering to use it and take photos. I never remember to take photos, even when I’m on vacation, partially because I hate the way I look in photographs and partially because my mind doesn’t work visually. (I don’t know how to take photos that I would like to look at later. Most vacation photos are uninteresting, and you never look at them again. How do you learn to remember to take good ones?) This is a shame, because it will make my writing flat and boring. I have to send a writing sample to Prague soon to get ready for the workshop, so now is the time to be better at it. I feel so much more at ease knowing that this semester and my juries are over. Maybe I can learn how to be creative again.