hang in there with me

elle-woodsI desperately miss writing here, and I log in all the time, look around, write down notes for posts, and then go away.

Here’s the thing: I am trying to be good to myself and good about myself, meaning that I am trying to treat myself well and trying to be thoughtful with how I present myself and to only write here when I feel like I have something to say. Full, thought-out ideas. And I haven’t had the energy to think things out because I’m still recovering from the depression I was in over the summer, and because work has been mentally and emotionally draining, and because I’m trying to develop new habits.

I really, really want to be writing. I’ve been writing a lot more, but not the kind of a lot I need to if I want to legitimately call myself a writer. I don’t like that, but because I have other things to take care of, like working enough to pay my bills and trying to stay healthy, I’m not able to make it a priority. I know lots of authors have jobs and kids and lives, and I only really have the first, and yet they make it work, and that’s great for them. Right now, I’m just not able.

But I’m making it a goal. I’ve read, and probably you have, too, that it takes something like two months to develop a habit. Right? Probably Self magazine told me that. At any rate, that doesn’t seem far off. It didn’t take long after I moved to Silicon Valley and started working at an institution that is powered by Google Apps for me to construct my life entirely around my Google Calendar. If you force them, habits happen. But I can’t put “writing” in my calendar on a daily basis yet. Not just yet. Continue reading

how reading every day makes me think about my everyday reading

#seewhatididthere #iknowthedifferencebetweenthetwoterms #readmygrammartumblr

I read David Levithan’s Every Day over spring break, mostly because I wanted to read something that no one was telling me to read, but also because it counts for the YALSA/The Hub Reading Challenge. I am weeks behind on that, but I want to do it even though I have no time to do it, and I had Every Day on my shelf from when I got it at the YA Literature Symposium, so there you go. Check one off the list.

Anyway (now I’m going to assume you’ve read the book or can look up a summary elsewhere, because I HATE when people talk about books almost exclusively in plot summary, and I just want to talk about one particular thing), one of the things A talks about a lot is how ze (s/he) sometimes falls into a body where ze can just be passive all day, not do anything to further that person’s life goals or even to do a lot of basic things that person does on a regular basis. Ze just takes things as they come and barely responds to them.

It got me thinking about how I read things. Continue reading


I’m trying this thing where I talk less. Actually, where I do lots of things less, like eat and drink and spend money, but the point here is that I’m trying to talk less, especially the blathering variety.

It’s hard. It’s always been hard for me not to talk, even when doing so makes me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, and even when I spent my entire life being laughed at or made fun of or disliked for it. For someone who’s shy, I do a lot of seemingly outgoing things, but it’s generally an effort to hide something or to appear confident when I’m not.

Anyway. So I’m trying not to just say word vomit, and that means also trying not to just post here to post.

That’s kind of why I’m starting to like Tumblr, since the whole point is to be pithy, but unlike Twitter, you don’t have to be funny.