sarah HANNAH gómez

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Everything about this winter break seems so stressful. I’ve forgotten how to take care of myself. I have to take care of everyone else, and there’s no one to complain to because anyone I could complain to has some condition that I should be sensitive to.

Falling back into angst is not what I like to do. I just feel like another entry here is overdue, and I don’t have the energy to be creative. And that is another way that I’m not doing well this break. I’ve forgotten how to start writing, even when I have ideas or I’m excited about something.

G-d I miss my novel. I almost have it back. If I can just figure out how to unlock these half corrupted files that the hard drive recovery man gave me from my shot computer hard drive. I’m so close. When going through them, I found two files that were in the same folder. Now I just need the actual novel. I had so many chapters. I just can’t start from the beginning.

On the bright side, Megan McCafferty and I are Facebook friends, and she messaged me because I said I was excited to meet her at the Tucson Festival of Books. Hurrah for writers! They are the best.

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I have been complaining for weeks, since my Archive concert, that I lost my H&M sunglasses. The next morning after the concert, I looked in the case and they weren’t there. They weren’t in my backpack. They weren’t in my purse. They were gone. It was depressing. There were a few reasons for complaining. First, we all know how hard it is to find a good pair of sunglasses. They have to be the right size and shape for your face. They have to have a tint that doesn’t distort your vision. They have to be loose enough (if you have a big head like me) that they don’t give you a headache. Second, I couldn’t buy another pair, because I bought them last December in New York, and not only would they not still be selling nearly a year later, but we don’t have H&M in Arizona, anyway. Third, they were kind of awesome, because people often ask me if they’re Chanel, and it’s like, “Yeah, bitch; but yours cost $200 more than mine.” That’s always fun.

So I’ve just been mooning around for weeks, wearing an old pair of sunglasses that are so tight, I get massive headaches every time I wear them. Seriously. Finally I caved yesterday and bought a new pair at some kiosk of scarves, jewelry and sunglasses on the mall. I got a yellow scarf as well, and in total it was $10, so no matter what, not a total loss. The new glasses are brown, which I almost never do, and what I didn’t realize until I walked away is that they have nasty zebra stripes on the side. But that you don’t see when I wear my hair down, which is almost always, so whatever. Sunglasses are sunglasses, and squinting is annoying.

The old case for my old glasses has just been sitting on my desk forever. I knocked it down yesterday, and since I was cleaning my room just now, I figured I’d pick it up and put it back on my desk. Strangely, it felt heavy. So I opened it. And my old sunglasses were inside.

I swear that I checked when I couldn’t find my sunglasses. That’s how I realized they were lost–because they weren’t in the case. How did they get there? Magic is so cool.

I’m lyric diving. It’s so much fun. I have this notebook where I write down random lyrics from songs that stand out that I really love, for their language, for their sentiment, for their rhyme, for whatever. There are some that, when taken completely out of context, mean something different from their original song, and sometimes I can no longer remember what song that is, unless I figure out a rhythm and a tune to read the words to. It’s a fun game that you can play over and over again.

I’m also doing stuff with bits of lyrics that I’ve been writing lately. I have a couple choruses and good melodies, but verses are so much harder. I don’t want to cop out and only do like one verse, a million times the chorus, and a bridge. That’s weak. I need to learn garage band and guitar; that would help. And I want a piano that I don’t hate, like my piano rather than the one that came with the house, so that I can use that as well.

I have to present my French blog to my French class this week, possibly today. I hope not today. I’d rather pretend to pay attention and really just do some writing today. Until I get my novel back, I’m trying hard not to care by spending my writing time on journaling, on song lyrics, and on writing the bedtime stories my dad used to make up for me and my sister. Those are going to be fabulous fairy tales when they’re done, I can just feel it.

the belzhar

february reading in review

what else i’m up to, and where

the walls around us

i accidentally secretly watched the entire twilight saga

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