there must be someplace here

I am my own worst enemy. I am that because I am my own worst student, which is the number one reason why I cannot be a teacher like everyone else in my family. Who am I to tell people what to do if I can’t tell it to myself? How do you tell yourself, “Do as I say and not as I do?”

I had this vague idea for a short story for awhile and then today during my lecture on recording contracts I began writing it. I’ve already revised a bit, I have a pretty clear picture of the world it takes place in, and I actually have a somewhat complete plot arc, when usually I rely on characters and a couple distinct scenes to get me writing and just hope for the best. I have a free night tonight and a nice, easy day tomorrow with my nice, easy new job, a fairly nice and easy Spanish essay to write, and hopefully nice and easy sight singing to learn for my singing test Thursday. It’s a night for writing, and it’s been so long since I’ve been stress-free(-ish), headache-free, and health problem-free. I have candles lit and two of them smell delicious, I have my late night writing playlist, “eine kleine nachtmusik,” going through my fake vintage radio that is actually an iPod dock, and I’m ready to go. I want to be writing. I am writing.

But I’ve lost the thing in me that used to make me write for hours on end. And I’ve gained something new since I was 12. This Mac has the Internet. I have stuff I want to say. Right now, as I write this, I’ve run out of the bloggy inspiration I had for a moment and I want to go back to the story, where the next line of dialogue has been running through my head for at least five minutes. But I feel absolutely compelled to waste time, procrastinate, and not create. I’ve become a writer who doesn’t like writing. Or something. I hate my generation. I hate multi-tasking and lack of an attention span.

But this story. I think it may be a good one.

I’m going to go write that line of dialogue, and then I’m going to waste more time updating the playlist section, since I didn’t have a March one at all. Fail. Then maybe I’ll get back to doing that thing I always talk about doing.


2 thoughts on “there must be someplace here

  1. I know exactly what you mean about inspiration to write. It’s like, I have all these great ideas, but when it comes to sitting down and just pumping out some material in writing, it just doesn’t wanna flow for every long, FTW dude.

    In other news, you should do the BEDA challenge. Blog Every Day April. Basically, you blog for every day in April. DO IT!!

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