I am my own worst enemy. I am that because I am my own worst student, which is the number one reason why I cannot be a teacher like everyone else in my family. Who am I to tell people what to do if I can’t tell it to myself? How do you tell yourself, “Do as I say and not as I do?”
I had this vague idea for a short story for awhile and then today during my lecture on recording contracts I began writing it. I’ve already revised a bit, I have a pretty clear picture of the world it takes place in, and I actually have a somewhat complete plot arc, when usually I rely on characters and a couple distinct scenes to get me writing and just hope for the best. I have a free night tonight and a nice, easy day tomorrow with my nice, easy new job, a fairly nice and easy Spanish essay to write, and hopefully nice and easy sight singing to learn for my singing test Thursday. It’s a night for writing, and it’s been so long since I’ve been stress-free(-ish), headache-free, and health problem-free. I have candles lit and two of them smell delicious, I have my late night writing playlist, “eine kleine nachtmusik,” going through my fake vintage radio that is actually an iPod dock, and I’m ready to go. I want to be writing. I am writing.
But I’ve lost the thing in me that used to make me write for hours on end. And I’ve gained something new since I was 12. This Mac has the Internet. I have stuff I want to say. Right now, as I write this, I’ve run out of the bloggy inspiration I had for a moment and I want to go back to the story, where the next line of dialogue has been running through my head for at least five minutes. But I feel absolutely compelled to waste time, procrastinate, and not create. I’ve become a writer who doesn’t like writing. Or something. I hate my generation. I hate multi-tasking and lack of an attention span.
But this story. I think it may be a good one.
I’m going to go write that line of dialogue, and then I’m going to waste more time updating the playlist section, since I didn’t have a March one at all. Fail. Then maybe I’ll get back to doing that thing I always talk about doing.