you’ve been nighttiming, baby

I thought that maybe, since I’m a night person, that in grad school maybe I’d get a job singing in a smoky bar all night long. Or bartending. It’s a very romantic idea, and probably it will only ever manifest itself in one of my novels. But really, if I could just sing and get paid, I wouldn’t do anything else. At least not for a very long time.

But now I think I am losing my nightpersonyness. Part of it may be the lingering jetlag. I had coffee today at 4:30 so that I could finally stay up later than 10 and not be sleepy at 8, and I am triumphant! It is almost midnight and I finally feel wide awake in a way I haven’t since this morning, when I woke up without an alarm at 7:10. But now, even though I’m awake and could be trying to write, or could be calling a friend to hang out, or could be out at a bar, or could be driving up to the top of Campbell, I feel like I’ve finished my day and that I should go to sleep. Read a few poems in the chapbook I’m reading and then doze off. In the morning, eat, work out, and go to the library. Read some more and then write. Get a pedicure with my sister and oldest friend, who is leaving next week for grad school. Write some more. Maybe watch a movie, but probably get bored of that 20 minutes in, like I did tonight.

Is this growing up? Is this transitioning out of college, which has felt like the longest gap year of all time rather than a time of education (though still a time of self-discovery)? Is this what living in my parents’ house is doing? Or is this just what I was all along? Will I start to write by daylight instead of lamplight? Am I becoming a morning person? Or is this just an interlude until graduation?

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