happy with myself

When I joined CouchSurfing.org a million years ago, I filled in the “my mission” field on the profile as “My mission is to be happy with myself.” Since it was a few years after that before I started using the website regularly, it has remained my “mission.”

I like it, and it’s been a perpetual struggle. I’ve always tried to be too many people, and I’ve always been socially awkward, and I’ve always been better at doing/saying/appearing to be one thing in my head, and it always comes out different in real life.

Aaaaanyway, I think I’m on the road to that now. I’ve definitely gotten to the point where I am comfortable with myself–I don’t care if other people like to go to clubs and I prefer drinking parties with Scrabble; I don’t feel bad about not associating with people whose politics or personalities are offensive to me; and I’m happy to be a nerd. That said, moving to Boston upset a lot of my balance, and being comfortable is different than being happy, and I’m still working on that. I’ve suffered bouts of depression and plain old bad health, and I should probably be seeing a doctor or five. For someone who has always taken good care of herself, I am not succeeding at that right now.

After a month and a half of barely working out, I started back at the gym and instantly my cloudy mood lifted significantly. The next step is to live a cleaner lifestyle, to get rid of the physical and mental clutter, and to get out of my apartment and do stuff that makes my brain happy. I say that all the time. So I need to figure out what will make me do it. But the fact that I feel starved for ideas, and at a loss for things to say, scares me enough that I just might do it this time.

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4 thoughts on “happy with myself

  1. You’re right not to waste one minute of your life worrying about what other people say is cool. But getting out of the house is essential to taking care of your body and your soul. If you are in Boston you really have no excuses because whatever you love and whatever you care about is close by.

  2. “I’ve definitely gotten to the point where I am comfortable with myself–I don’t care if other people like to go to clubs and I prefer drinking parties with Scrabble; I don’t feel bad about not associating with people whose politics or personalities are offensive to me; and I’m happy to be a nerd.”

    I prefer Scrabble over a loud, noisy club too. Accepting being different from the norm is one of the things that makes people unique.

  3. To be comfortable / content with oneself I think ultimately leads to what one could call happy. Nerd is fine and in the long run, focus on the quieter more introspective side of self and ones relationships leads to a more solid and healthier outlook on life. I’m with you.

    Lee
    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out
    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

  4. We’ll do it together! I think a big part is getting out of the apartment and into the world. I notice that when I’m out and about I’m the happiest. ❤ Good for you for being proactive!!!

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