I miss music. My stint in the Simmons a cappella group didn’t last long, and I really miss choir from college. But strangely, what I miss most is piano. It was my first instrument, but once I discovered that I could sing and that I loved it, I started thinking of it as secondary. And given that I’ve always had a problem with accompanying myself and singing at the same time (I have relative perfect pitch; rhythm is something I’m not awful at but have to actually actively apply my cognition to), I’ve sadly never been able to realize my dreams of being a YouTube-discovered indie piano pop superstar à la Ingrid Michaelson. (By the way, taking suggestions for activities to improve that cognitive skill, or for books that explain how it works and how I can get better.)
Missing music is kind of a crutch and a cop-out, though, because between crit/scholarly stuff, creative writing, and music, they’re always at odds with each other for position as my NUMBERONEFAVORITETHINGFOREVERANDEVERAMEN, and generally I am always required to be working on one, desiring to be working on another, and then missing the third and thinking that my life would be perfect if only I could be doing that instead. I have to do school, and the write-a-thon (plus my new writing stint that I will be starting soon at Paper Droids and some guest posts at other blogs coming up) says that I should be writing (as should my jealousy of how many friends of mine are getting published before I am), so of course I want music. And there’s absolutely no possibility for balance between the three right now, because my life just doesn’t have that kind of leeway in it. I have committed to school, I’ve committed to my jobs, and they’re great, so I can’t really complain just because when I’m done with those things, my brain is really only ready for things like television, a game of Set, or food. I know that actually it would be really good for my brain to try to fit in some music, but that also gets harder because I don’t have access to a piano currently.
Wah, wah, my life is so hard because I’m good at more than one thing and because I’m employed. I know.
I’m trying to figure out a way to conclude this post with some sort of “And then I learned the answer is THIS” or “Here is my plan,” but I really can’t. So I guess I leave it open. Please tell me that I am not the only one who struggles with both balance and which-to-love-more (I feel like it’s like choosing children, in that you totally have favorites but maybe they change from time to time and you’re not supposed to claim that you have them in the first place), and tell me what you do to try and fix this problem.