comp lit and mediaphilia
I was just reminded of a party I was at a few months ago at which, while talking in a group of people, I said something to the effect of, “All I want out of a relationship is someone who will ignore me and let me ignore him most of the time, tolerate my neuroses, cook dinner with me, and want to spend the night in and watch movies, ignore each other some more while we read books, and then cuddle and go to bed.” It was not a lie.
One of the guys said, “I can’t think of any guy who wouldn’t think that was the best relationship ever.”
Really, isn’t that what everyone wants? I’m honestly curious, because I don’t know if this is a general human thing or a slightly less general human-who-is-mostly-antisocial-in-a-lazy-way-not-in-a-hates-people-kind-of-way thing. But isn’t the point of love to be totally happy and satisfied with yourself, and to have someone else who is also totally happy and satisfied with himself, and then for you to be totally satisfied and occasionally have fun together? Seriously, man. All I want. No roses or Hollywood romance for this girl. Just let me read my book in peace, knowing that you’re doing the same thing right next to me.
Posted in rambling
Tagged boys , identity , love , nothing
Jul · 07
Like any girl who grew up in America, and like any girl who has an older sister she worships, my musical taste has changed, refined, and solidified as I’ve grown older. I had my middle school phase where I listened to anything that was on Top 40 radio, and there are still some things from the 1997-2003 time period that I will always love, defend, and unabashedly listen to, even if I know it’s absolutely terrible. And there are other things that are actually kind of underrated, like the fact that those manufactured pop groups like N Sync and Eden’s Crush were actually very well trained singers, just stuck in the bodies of fakely attractive people and forced to sing really terrible songs.
Anyway. My main genres when I was young were Motown, show tunes, jazz-pop standards, and pop-inflecting R&B. I could count on my sister getting me the latest Mariah Carey, Destiny’s Child, or Alicia Keys CD for each birthday and Chrismukkah. I listened to them extensively, and to this day, even in the age of iPods and playlists and listening to single songs and not albums, if I hear a song off of one of these ladies’ albums I know exactly which song should come next in the track listing.
But then I transferred from the very urban middle school I went to to private school, and then I discovered lots of other music, both that satisfied my ear and that spoke to the major angst I had. Also, it helped that liking music that my classmates liked helped me to fit in, since so much of the way I acted seemed not to do that for me. Continue reading →
Posted in music
Tagged angst , famous people , happy , identity , life , love , magic , music , other people , peer pressure , pop , pop culture
Apr · 01
I’ve clocked a lot of iPod time lately instead of reading time. My new job (!) is usually just me hanging out at the computer doing computer stuff, so music is necessary for my sanity. I’ve been downloading a lot of good stuff lately, thanks to deals from Amazon and this lovely new thing called Freegal that is cropping up at libraries here and there. So I’ve added some Neko Case, Vanessa Carlton, Ingrid Michaelson, and more to my library. But no matter how much music I accumulate, I tend to glom onto certain albums and listen to them excessively, until I am sure of which songs are my favorites and until I imagine myself inside the album and live and swim in it and just love it unconditionally and forever.
I do this mostly with albums that are by bands or duos where two people are pretty much equally the lead singer. It’s especially my favorite when it’s a male and female voice because it feels really intimate, which I admit is rather heteronormative and not actually very fair, but hey, I grew up in America. Also, the Pierces go onto my list of duos I can listen to forever, and they’re sisters.
Anyway. Bands/albums I listen to way too much because I love the dual quality of the lead vocal: Jenny and Johnny’s I Am Having Fun Now , anything by the Pierces, a lot of Rilo Kiley’s Under the Blacklight (okay, I also have a Jenny Lewis fetish), most stuff by Stars, same with She & Him, and the latest album I’ve added to that list is the Civil Wars’ Barton Hollow . Continue reading →
Tagged angst , boys , girls , love , music , other people , relationships , wishful thinking
Feb · 02
I’m sitting on a bus heading back to Boston from DC, where I spent the last two days with my aunt, uncle, cousins, cousins’ significant others, and cousins’ kids. I had a great time, and even though I didn’t want to admit it, it was definitely preferable to spending the holiday alone. Also, I got to go to a speakeasy on Wednesday night and drink old, Ragtimey drinks, some of which come with raw egg in them.
But I am not a big holiday person, even when I try to be. There are some things about a person inherent and unchangeable, and my inability to care about books and movies about war/military strategy or to get excited about holidays is something I can’t change, even when I know that it’s an award-winning film or that the entire rest of the world thinks it’s interesting that once a year at midnight it becomes not only a new day and a new month, but also a new calendar year. I’m not big on commemorative or celebratory things that are deemed obligatory. I didn’t go to my college graduation and a year later, I still don’t care; even if I weren’t someone who had never had the option of celebrating Valentine’s Day with a boyfriend I don’t think I would be big on celebrating it; I haven’t really done much for my birthday the past few years because it’s always awkward and an exercise in finding out how little my friends care about me. I much prefer showing people I care, and being shown they care, in random ways that mean a lot more because they come from the person just thinking about you and doing something special, not seeing a calendar date and feeling like they’re socially obligated to do something. And it’s not that I’m anti-capitalist or trying to make a stupid hipster statement; I have honestly tried to get excited and buy Halloween costumes and I always end up not following through, even if I mean to. Continue reading →
Posted in adventures
Tagged family , happy , holidays , love , thanksgiving
Nov · 26
My lease in Allston starts on September 1, which means that I now have fewer than three months to live in Tucson. For someone who has millions of different passport stamps, and for someone who begged her parents to send her to boarding school when she was seven, I am surprisingly apprehensive about my move. Not scared, but a little worried about whether I will still be the same person (and whether I will still be as secure with myself as I have finally learned to be) once I live totally alone. So to forget my fear, I’m going to start saying thanks, I love you, and goodbye to my favorite Tucson things. I’m not saying a real goodbye to Bookmans anytime soon, as I’m sure I’ll be stopping in another hundred times before I leave, but here it goes anyway.
I don’t care how many used bookstores Boston has; I will probably patronize each one anyway. Nothing is like Bookmans, and no other place do I understand culturally and sociologically the way I do Bookmans. I have worked very hard to know how to navigate that store successfully, literally and intellectually. At what other store can I be sure to find a decent copy of that book that everyone has read and I need to have read and also find the most random, out of print novel that I’ve never heard of but is brilliant, and also find some awesome work of lit theory or history or cooking and grab a couple of magazines on my way out? I don’t really know, because I just keep going to Bookmans for it all. Where else can I “buy” (usually for free, because I always have trade) an eclectic smorgasbord of reading material and get compliments and recommendations on it, earning me both respect and hipster points? Also, where else have I ever felt so comfortable being by myself in public? I love you, Bookmans. I’ve loved every piece of paper I’ve ever taken from you. I’ve loved every time you’ve taken an ARC from me and given me trade for it, even though you claim that you don’t take galleys for resale. I’ve loved every cashier who has ever given me their employee discount. I’ve loved every author I never knew I needed in my life before finding their book at Bookmans. I love the beautiful set of dishes my mother found in your tchotchke room. I love that every Bookmans location has a distinct personality, and the one on Ina is clearly not for hipsters or avid novel-readers. I love you, Bookmans. And it’s a love that lasts a lifetime.
Tagged authors , books , lltt , love , tucson
Jun · 02
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