the diet

self portrait assignments invite ridicule and identity confusion

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My mother likes to tell the story of how my sister, who is mixed but way, way güera , was assigned in elementary school to do a self portrait and colored herself with dark brown crayons, because the children she was friends with were brown, so she assumed she was, too. I like to not think about every time I’ve bought makeup and either bought it way too light because I tend to forget I’m not white, or I’ve bought it too dark because I go, “Oh, wait, I’m black,” but I forget that actually my skin is not the darkest of dark.

Backtrack. Yesterday I found this graphic narrative at Sadie magazine, and while it’s really not about this subject at all, it does bring up an episode from a Babysitters Club book in which Claudia recalls being assigned a self portrait and not knowing what the phrase means. So she draws herself as a colorful butterfly, because that’s how she sees herself, and she gets ridiculed by her teacher and classmates for it. Continue reading →

enforced wellness

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I’m not going to say I’m immune to media, because nobody in America is, but I’ve never really been one for dieting or anything crazy. In high school I once managed to stay on the Special K diet for two weeks before prom (I wanted to fit into my first designer dress that my mother had bought for me, because it was a size 0) and lose the weight I wanted to, but telling me to eat cereal is not a hardship, and the irony was that I lost the weight, but my skin was so pale looking that I ended up not looking good in the dress anyway, so I didn’t wear it.

Anyway. Then college happened, and I gained like 20 pounds and barely exercised and had steadily worsening breathing problems compounded by the wrong medication and bad stomach problems. When I was 21 1/2, I realized I was a pound away from having an officially overweight BMI, and that’s when I decided things had to change. Now, two years later, wellness is like a full-time job that never stops being challenging, but at least it’s now become more or less routine. But it easily gets boring, so I’m always looking for new recipes to make me excited about not eating potato chips, and new exercises and fitness magazines to make sure I’m never too bored to be healthy.

I have to be honest, though, and say that I need a lot of outside stimulation to make me excited about not eating out and not taking 24/7 advantage of my Hulu plus account. Much as I hate how dependent we all are on tiny computers that fit in our pockets, and much as I still have ZERO interest in owning a smartphone, one of the biggest things that helped me on my way was keeping a food and exercise diary on Self.com so that I could keep track of how I was doing. I think most of us can be tempted into doing a lot of things if it allows us to play with buttons and typing. Also, quite frankly, and I know this makes me seem more like a communist than the socialist I am, but I totally support any place of employment that requires some sort of commitment to wellness (and I also support those that require their employees–or highly encourage them–to be involved in volunteer or social justice work), because I think when it comes down to it, we all know that we need outside forces to get us to do anything that’s not X-Box or alcohol. Continue reading →

rededication

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I kind of abandoned my food blog because I have too much stuff going on, but that doesn’t mean I abandoned my interest in food, health, or food books. I think that’s a love that will last a lifetime. But it’s always good to be reminded of why and how you stay healthy and happy through food. I think it’s especially important since I’ve otherwise been making so many other awesome, positive changes in my life. That’s why I recently read Susan Albers’ Eating Mindfully and The Naked Foods Cookbook by Margaret Floyd.


There’s something about buying a Kindle that makes you more willing to read self-help books. Eating Mindfully can definitely be categorized as such, but it also makes some really good points about eating smaller meals, enjoying the smell of your food before you eat it, and taking time to enjoy the entire process of food, from buying the groceries to chopping them up. Albers brings up psychological and physiological reasons to eat more slowly and mindfully, and makes points that should appeal to a variety of readers, from those who are interested in New Age sap and those who just want to lose weight. She quotes Buddha, cites quotes and results from her own patients, and gives little exercises to do. You can write yourself a mindful eating contract, learn how to meditate, or take time to use your five senses. Continue reading →

happy with myself

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When I joined CouchSurfing.org a million years ago, I filled in the “my mission” field on the profile as “My mission is to be happy with myself.” Since it was a few years after that before I started using the website regularly, it has remained my “mission.”

I like it, and it’s been a perpetual struggle. I’ve always tried to be too many people, and I’ve always been socially awkward, and I’ve always been better at doing/saying/appearing to be one thing in my head, and it always comes out different in real life.

Aaaaanyway, I think I’m on the road to that now. I’ve definitely gotten to the point where I am comfortable with myself–I don’t care if other people like to go to clubs and I prefer drinking parties with Scrabble; I don’t feel bad about not associating with people whose politics or personalities are offensive to me; and I’m happy to be a nerd. Continue reading →

crit happens

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I love graduate school. And I think it’s really good for me. For the first time in my life, not only am I working hard (I suppose I’ve done that occasionally), but I’m making my formal education not only a priority in the obligation sense, but also a priority in that I actually value it and feel like I’m getting something out of it. Individually, these things have happened before–I’ve worked hard, sometimes I’ve felt like what I was learning was relevant, and sometimes I’ve not procrastinated–but I’ve never done them ALL AT ONCE before. This is pretty amazing.

My crit class is intense and requires reading major works of major critical schools each week, then reading studies of novels with the critical school in action, and then reading two novels and writing a paper on one of them from the point of view of last week’s critical school. Crazy and schizophrenic, but also really challenging and fun. My management theory readings are actually interesting, and it reminds me that I like being bossy and am actually kind of good at it. And reference will be a good challenge for me, because it involves being patient with other people, explaining myself clearly, and going out of my comfort zone in order to help others find information that they need. So, win, win, win.

It blows my mind that I’ve been here for about three weeks already. Tucson what? I never thought it would be such an easy transition, but it has been. In fact, it’s so easy to just feel as if this is where I am that I almost feel guilty. But we’ll see how I feel a month from now. The longest I’ve ever gone without seeing my family is six weeks, so that may be a hurdle when I get to the seven week point. But now it reminds me of Prague, where I was so into what I was doing and experiencing that it felt natural.

I take lots of breaks from my work, but I think they’re responsible breaks. I watch a funny television show, or I read a book and write the review that’s due. Or I go to the gym. I’ve done at least 45 minutes of cardio every day for the last week, and I also try to walk most places. Today I’m walking to the farmers’ market, where I’ll buy a lot of fruit so that I stop eating crappy food, and I’ll buy a lot of veggies for cooking and for making vegetable stock, because I have discovered that a crock pot is awesome. Healthy body, healthy mind. Good things all around.

I joined a student group, the Progressive Librarians Guild, which I think will be enjoyable. I’m excited to learn, connect, and plan. Life is too good. I feel lucky. And I hope the boat doesn’t rock.